Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
