I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
