"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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