I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I pour the whiskey from now on
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
