i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
