and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
