She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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