He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
