I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
