not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
