I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
