Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
