Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm always down for nudity.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
