Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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