life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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