Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
