Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
