There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
