Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
