Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
