He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we're making bets on your personal life
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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