One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
