This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize