tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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