I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh god it's open bar.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
