I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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