i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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