I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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