I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
