He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
