planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
