Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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