My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize