My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
