I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
