Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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