There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
