I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
