I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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