Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize