how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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