office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize