Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
