omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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