There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
