how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
