Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
