wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Shame - the story of my life.
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