Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize