I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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