My Higher Power is John Stamos
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
