im drinking this country out of the recession.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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