meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
