I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My pussy is not your playground.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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