They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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