I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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