I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
sick fucks of a feather flock together
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
