Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
