My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
