I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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