found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize