you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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