Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
