I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
