I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
