I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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