so that wasnt chicken after all
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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