im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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