My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
